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WARNING : This post contains brutal truths and honest feelings!!!!!

This morning while cleaning my home, washing dishes, sorting laundry, washing floors etc….two things are going through my mind- 1) I can’t believe that I am a Cum Laude graduate with no housemaid, busy cleaning after everyone else…. 2) A clean house just calm my soul and lessens my anxiety…
Does this resignate with anyone else….. that constant struggle between positive and negative thoughts…. that’s a constant with me at least…

But getting back to the point and just to give more color to my story….
We moved to Cape Town about 1year, 4 months ago all the way from Tzaneen in Limpopo and while there is so many positive things around our move….like my husband’s great job where he truly thrives, my son so content and happy in his school where he is also thriving and his swimming as sport has improved so greatly; the absolute beauty and diversity of our surroundings, the working municipality, the clean surrounds etc… There has also been a few negatives…. it is so much more expensive here!!!!!!!!!, the same money gets you so much less, I have been struggling alot to build up my new practice here or even finding a steady job with a steady income, the intensity of competition around parents are extreme, obtaining new friendships are difficult, when you live here you quickly realize that it’s not a holiday destination!!!!! ; and to say these least because the budget looks different we cannot afford a housemaid currently, and therefore here I am cleaning and doing things I have never envisioned for myself…my schedule with my work is much more flexible, and much less than my husband’s and therefore a few changes had to be made…. I love a clean home, it makes me feel in control and less anxious ( yes I do too struggle with anxiety, but I know my triggers and I have learned how to deal with it), so by choice I have been put into the role of house cleaner…. and WOW I have new respect for any housemaid or any housewife/husband that does this full time… it’s not only exhausting but also such a ungrateful job…and nevermind that, it’s also a unpaid job!!!!!!!!!!! Nobody truly realize ( except the one doing the job ), how much effort and time is put into it…nobody gives you a paycheck at the end of the month, or take you for company lunches or year-end functions. There is no medals or trophies in this arena, and nobody writes and sing songs about you!!! I find myself sometimes telling my son and husband at the end of day, exactly what I have done around the house that day, just to have some sense of validation….it’s sad but true…. And please don’t pitty me….my son and husband also contributes alot – my son thoroughly cleans his rooms every Sunday, takes out the trash and every now and then help with dishes and tidying; my husband does the ironing ( which I am so thankful for…..), takes over dishwashing over weekends, and makes our bed every week day…. so it’s not just me doing it all….but I still do feel very isolated in doing the rest as this was not what I imagined for my nearly 40year old self….I never wanted to be a housewife…I wanted to be invested in my career and enjoy my family in my free time…but oh how live has thrown me a curveball….

And thus here I find myself on a Monday morning feeling very sorry for myself and trying to make sense or even balancing my thoughts… but as a very wise woman has once told me…when feeling down give thanks, serve others and find the beauty in that! So taking that into account, I want to start by thanking every housewife/husband who cleans there house without help or without payment….thank you for all your time and effort, the pride you put into your work without being recognized therefore, the absolute dedication and self-discipline without receiving a bonus or commission… I have renewed appreciation and respect for each of you, and I SEE you…YOU deserve the validation, appreciation, respect and support as much as anyone with a 9-5 job!!!!! You all ( or rather we all) deserve a public holiday!!!!

And everytine I do move into the position to serve others with my counselling practice, I serve with honor and renewed sense of what balance looks like for me and for others…and therefore serving with greater empathy.

WOW….is this what happens when you clean – ha, ha!!  I cannot promise that everytime I wash dishes or clothes, or clean the floors that I will look or even feel like Mary Poppins, BUT I do have a new outlook on how our thoughts can either destroy or uplift the rest of our day…. so next time I am feeling sorry for myself….I will put on that 90’s music, dance my terrible dance moves and be thankful….I can still move…and that’s something!!!!

Have a blessed week all. And to all the homemakers…. you are the true heroes, I salute you!!!!

Kindest and warmest regards
Naomi Grobler

“And whatever you do, do it heartily as to the Master, and not unto men.” Colossians 3:23

My 14year old son is my greatest gift, although this gift presents himself in many different ways – the moody out of nowhere, the I don’t want to talk about it, please don’t ask me about it, just leave me alone teenager gift… and although this stage is not easy at all, I would not want it any other way
…I don’t want to rush through this season because of its speed wobbles! We all tend to wish time moves a bit faster, especially when our kids are small – we can’t wait for them to start walking, stop using diapers, go to school ( to give us a small break), to do more by themselves or maybe already start imagining how their university years will look like, what kind of partner they are going to bring home or how many grandkids you will be blessed with….I know I have had all of these thoughts! But today I watched a very old film named “Jack”, about a boy who grew physically 4 times faster than his age…and how these difficulties made life quite complex and SO MUCH SHORTER for him and time his parents, friends and family have with him. This really made me stand still a bit and figuratively put the breaks on my rushed mind…. what if I had only that amount of time with my son….would I still be rushing through every phase of his life as I have been doing, or would I really stop along the way, live more in his moments ( good and bad), enjoy his growth ( physically and emotionally), take more memory photos ( those moments that a camera just cannot capture) and love and meet him where he is now!!!!!!!! And why stop there…I can choose to relate this to myself….stop, enjoy, grow, make memories, love and meet yourself where you are at this very moment…..don’t rush your own time, take literally one step at a time…..because although we are human and we like to plan ahead, keep track and work to earn…we need to realize that our own time is so precious ( even though you might be in a season of great difficulty right now, with struggles and alot of worries) it will pass, new seasons do come and everything that looked unimaginable in how to adress or overcome…we do get through it one way or another!!!!! I want to choose life right now, right in this moment – I want to be grateful for who I am now, celebrate my growth more in the moments, enjoy my husband and son in their present seasons more fully, and choose to apply my time more wisely! I don’t want to rush time anymore I want to embrace it MORE!!!!!

To my son….just be 14 years old now, don’t wish to be 18 and legal just yet, enjoy us driving you around, because driving yourself is not all it’s cracked up to be :)). I will enjoy your being 14 until your 15, and then I will enjoy that until the next….and that is a promise – no more rushing time!

In the moment warmest regards Naomi

If we hadn’t wasted all this time, we could have gone and returned twice by now.”
Genesis 43:10 NLT

I am sure most people have asked this question numerous times in different settings and circumstances…WHAT IF?

What if
…yesterday’s terrible tragedy didn’t happen?
…I said I love them more?
…there was more that could have been done?
…somebody stopped the hurt from happening?
…I made different choices?
…they chose me?
…I fail?

You cant spend a lifetime on what if, because the reality is….if it was different would you be you…?

Yes you might be less scarred and broken, you might have more or less off…but WHAT IF those what if’s made you more, more complex in collateral beauty? What if all that could have or didn’t, makes you see a reflection of strength and endurance…?

Instead of being stuck in the debilitating “what if” thoughts, you need to choose to interrupt them, change the language of those thoughts and therefore change the negative “what if” I can’t, to “what if” I can;
“what if” I never forget, to “what if” I accept . You don’t have any control over the “what if”, but you do have control over “what is”!

You see the “what if” can be redefined, recreated and positively interpreted to “what is”…

Because of pain-what is true-I can have empathy
Because of storms- what is true- I can see the rainbow
Because of hurt- what is true- I can change how I see, speak and do
Because of trauma-what is true- I can choose to appreciate time I have
Because of loss- what is true-I can decide to nurture beautiful memories I will always have
Because of life being unfair- what is true- I can decide to be fair

You are not defined by the what if’s but
rather by what is…..
What is possible
What is true
What is real
What is the version of myself I want to be
(Despite all the “that could have or should have”)

You are the the interpreter of your thoughts…
So when the “what if’s” overwhelm you again…stop and change the language to…
WHAT IF I TRY?

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ” – C.S.Lewis

Kind regards
From a “what-if” to a “what is” interpreter
Naomi

“Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.
1 Thessalonians 5:16‭-‬18 MSG”

What’s in it for me?

You are having a bad day, your mind feels inflamed with negative thoughts and your whole being just feel tired…..sounds familiar? Or your anxiety that ridicule your calm approach, your body feels bruised and your thoughts seem to go nowhere….maybe you?

You see mental health uncovers the difficulties that those with it face everyday, it is not easy, it is draining, it robbs you of precious time, it is overwhelming, it influences your body and mind negatively and sometimes to extremes….. You feel that you have to work harder than those without mental health problems, just to stay afloat, to fake being okay to not make those around you feel uncomfortable, to step one foot before the other takes so much effort! You have extra bills to pay with therapy, medications, self care and and and….so what’s in it for you struggling and fighting to regain some sense of normality and being able to label yourself as mentally healthy?

YES YES YES….all of this is true and for sure real BUT have you ever thought about the other side to mental health problems??? Have you ever thought that this mental health issue you are struggling with might be a blessing as well, that it might be one of your greatest attributes and maybe just maybe something to be proud of and carry with pride?

You see although those bad days and the accompanying factors are so real, and so difficult to deal with….it can become the collateral beauty in your life…the things that teaches you strength you would have never known without it, the lessons from it to help you help others, to view others from a perspective of empathy and not just sympathy. The battle scars you are carrying around sometime with so much shame….can be scars that motivate others that have no hope. It can be a celebration of what you’ve been through, fought through, lived through and still working on, but it’s not an open wound anymore….it’s a scar to show your brave approach to your mental health, you are a survivor with a story to tell, proudly and with a perspective you would not have had without going through the pain and difficulties!

So what’s in it for you…… to serve with first hand knowledge of not only how bad the bad times can be but also how meaningful the good times can be!!!! Without the bad how will we really treasure and appreciate the good. Carry your mental health problem with both sides in mind….the negative but for sure the positive…..no battery works without one side not connected,  it needs both positive and negative to fully function….same with our mental health!

Your are a survivor, a warrior, a storyteller, a true empathetic friend, a person walking proudly with their scars!

Yours truly
Proud scar carrier Naomi Grobler

“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”
Acts 20:35 NIV